blabberring at myself.

i feel like the grandparent-grandchild connection is almost all that really makes the world good enough as is.  if i saw them too much, i probably wouldn’t even be an activist.  i love them too much to want to change what they think they love in their world.  i’ve never needed to question their personal magic to their face.  i guess this is why it’s good to have different kinds of love in our life.  i love them as if they’re already gone (and i’ve gotten to write about it while watching them sleep).

do you have any idea what an incredible thing it is to know that someone has let their love for you revolutionize them, even in the slightest?

forget that you’ve ever cried before, & about what, and let yourself love you.

i mostly stopped shopping for clothes that i love to wear for myself when most of my most fitting finds to date were stolen from a friend’s house and donated by a church that was helping her purge things.  (my things were set aside in their own bag, but she wasn’t micromanaging very thoroughly- too overwhelmed-, and none of my sized stuff would have fit her, forseeably.. so….)

it was just so discouraging… i don’t like clothes shopping, compared with a steriotypical woman, and i used to be really picky.  there was one  year- right after i got out of highschool, basicly, when i liked more of the styles that were being stocked in [non-thrift]stores than i had the whole rest of my life put together, and, knowing that it might be downhill, from there, i let my family stock me up, for Christmas.. even with clothing that would be incredibly useful to me in my life, but not immediately.

back then, i knew exactly, exactly what i wanted…. and what inspired me about myself so that i could perceive *just how* the possibility of my being it was a reality.  not having that steadying inspiration has changed me from being in touch with who i really want to be, clearly, to some extent, because my taste in clothes is actually inspired by deep character aspirations.

solitude turns me on, but i wish that i could share it with someone.  i think i’m broken. #demisexual.

more love and connection.

less attachment and “need”iness[directed toward others when a more loving and sustainable solution is inner work].

and you know that he is lonely, but he doesn’t make you feel any less lonely.

how to not feel lonely, and how to not make others feel any lonelier than you can help



emotional manipulation is abuse

emotional manipulation is abuse 



for example, never be manipulated by self-harm.


people say bisexuals are greedy but ive never met anyone greedier than a straight man

they must mean lustful..

that doesn’t make any sense anyway.  it’s like saying that i’m a glutton because of being open to itallian /or/ chinese..  it means less picky about what culture of food i eat; not eatting more. maybe these rumours came around when the people talking didn’t know the difference between polyamoury and bisexuality.  (and then that’s /still/ ignorant about /polyamoury/.. most of us want more sharing; not just more being-shared-with.)  .. it means giving more of a shit about what’s inside a person than what is- *interrupts self*: well, actually.. bigenderal and bisexual.. sometimes people say bisexual when they mean bigenderal.. and then there’s me: i don’t care what gender a person identifies as; (i’ll honour it, but) i’m attracted to people based on what *i see in* them; not what they see in their selves.  now, i care what they /want/..  i don’t want to be with a partner who doesn’t want the same things that i do on the levels for which we’re striving.. in one another’s lives and in our own.. and in our shared world, especially, perhaps.. but what’s immediate- at least, what we are able to effect for one another- matters a lot.

that’s so silly.

…We only obsess over relationships that feel unfinished.
"Cock A Doodle Do." Sex and the City. (via wordsnquotes)