i dreamt i had an amazing beard. (or i dreamed.. it was dreamt by me.)
“What you see here is a 70 pound difference. I grew up a bigger girl; but for 8 years of my life, I lived in a mental prison. I constantly counted calories and obsessively worked out to an unhealthy size 0 with 9% body fat. I lost my period for five years. My butt cheeks didn’t even touch! (Yep, you heard me…) Nothing mattered but performing my rituals and compulsions I conjured up in my head. I did not have any space in my brain to see the world around me, connect with people, and ultimately live. Constantly striving to be something else, you do not have time to think about the important things in life — friends, loved ones, learning, giving back, following your passions, etc. I was always thinking, “When I weigh ___, I’ll be happy… my life will be perfect.” This is the biggest lie in the world. Life is here, now. You cannot wait for a certain event or milestone to truly begin living your life.
So with time, countless doctors, helpful books, and role models in the plus industry, I began to heal. The transformation was not easy (it was actually quite hellish), but I made a decision to choose freedom. I started listening to my body and respecting it. I eat organic and all natural whole foods, and I love working out and being active. I want to prove to people that you can be healthy at any size. My motto is to just be as healthy as I can be (body, mind, & soul), and wherever I end up, is where I’m supposed to be . It is my passion to show people that once you are true to your authentic self, doors begin to open and you can truly live your life to the fullest.”
You know what’s rather weird? I used to hate the dark, night time. I could never sleep and I hated that everyone was dreaming but me and I was just so full of energy.
Now I cannot wait for silence during night fall, when I get to spend time on my own and everyone’s asleep. I love snuggling in my bed, watching movies, reading, talking to Laurence over the phone, writing, thinking. There’s just so much to do and I guess I just really like comfort.
comforting shadows. embrace of merry and harmonious possibilities. the shadows speak.r
Frank Lloyd Wright